we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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