it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
It's just like the Real World with babies
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
