I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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