My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
