I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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