Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
