He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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