She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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