I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
