I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
and she was petting her beer can
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
