my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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