I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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