I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
