There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
