i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
