You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
