Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
