i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
