im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
