You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
