I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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