Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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