Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
