Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
