I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
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