she takes plan B like it's going out of style
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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