the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
