Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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