I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
