Duck Duck Cougar?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
