And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
