can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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