Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
