she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
