I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
