at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he shaved USA in his pubs
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
