3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
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