I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
