she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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