I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
