This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
