i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
