I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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