So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Randomize
