This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
