We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
