i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
