Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
