He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
