I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
